Tag Archive | humor

Hottest Thing

This morning I watched a cat stroll across my yard as if it owned the place, and I couldn’t help but smile. I’ve always loved cats, not because they’re cute or fluffy, but because they could be as naked as the top of your great uncle’s dome and still believe they’re the hottest thing on four paws.

Mistaken Twindenity


WARNING: this scene, contains MILD sexual references. If you can’t handle it this scene is not for you. Thank you for your consideration.


Ava was a bad girl. Always had been. It was part of the reason Ricky contemplated asking her out. Ava matched the level of bad ass that he’d struggled to mount his years at Icarus Co. One date with Ava could Ricky’s brand him a permanent soprano for the rest of his life. No pressure, right?

Ricky stared at the minx as she swayed, her hips compelling him to join her on the dance floor. He licked his lips before taking a swig of beer. Devil be praised he’d worn pants two sizes too big.

She glanced in Ricky’s direction, eyes glowing scarlet and forbidden. Ava held his gaze, a naughty smile playing at the corners of her lips before her attention snapped back to the DJ.

Ricky was across the bar in two snaps of a cat’s tail, pulling her from the dance floor and into the hall. “Shit,” Ricky breathed, freeing her hand from his. “Why’d you go and drag me here? You know I hate parties! I’d have declined if…”

Crimson eyes widened slightly then narrowed almost immediately. “If what?” Ava asked.

Ricky cursed again.

“I knew it.” Ava said. Turning her back to him, she tossed up a hand in goodbye. “Another dog that’s all bark, no bite.”

Ricky pinned her against the door before he could think better of it, one hand on the knob, the other just inches from Ava’s cheek. He watched as she worried her lower lip with teeth. Lovely, pink lips that Ricky just wanted to slip his tongue into and see if she tasted as good as she looked.

Ava must have sensed his thoughts. Pressing her petite body against Ricky’s hard one, Ava tilted her head enough to brush her lips with his.

Ricky’s final shred of control snapped as he pulled her roughly to him. Thrusting the closet door open, Ricky pulled Ava inside. The door clicked behind them as if with a will of its own and Ricky snapped the lock in place. He forced his hands under her shirt, feathering his way up her stomach.

Ava moaned, a sound he captured with his mouth. Ricky probed her tongue with his and felt her respond in kind. Their tongues dueled for dominance over the kiss even as Ricky’s other hand wandered beneath her skirt.

Ricky listened as Ava’s moans became louder. Each caress seemed to bring her closer to the pleasure he strove to give her.

A sudden knock on the door made Ricky pause before shouting “go away”. Ava seemed not to notice. She squeaked from the feel of his teeth rubbing against her neck, drawing on the tender skin beneath.

Another knock on the door, harder than the first drew Ava’s attention.

“Shit! Get off me, Ricky,” she shouted, but her attempt at reason was lost on Ricky.

“Dammit,” Ricky growled. “Leave already!”

He returned his attentions to the woman beneath him and began to suck on the skin of her neck.

Wood splintered around them a moment before the door gave way, slapping Ricky in midst of his head.

“What the hell…” Ricky didn’t finish his sentence. A hand fisted in his shirt and drew him up to face a pair of familiar crimson eyes.

“What the devil are you doing to Carneli”

Ricky blinked. “Carneli,” he repeated unthinkingly.

“Yes, my twin,” the woman growled in clear irritation.


To all my viewer, followers, and fans, thanks for sticking with me! You can also catch Mistaken Twindenity in the Romance section of Prose in Bloom.

-SakuraTail

Pretty Embarrassing


Mr. Gabriel stared up at the image of his thirty-something year old boss plastered to the front wall of Alice Academy and felt his face heat out of mortification. He turned to each of his five students with a tight-lipped look.

“I’m not going to yell,” Mr. Gabriel said finally, “I’m not going to scream… Except to ask who in the Devil gave you this irresponsible idea?” Yes, cursing seemed very appropriate right then. No matter how annoying his boss was, no one deserved this type of embarrassment.

Mr. Gabriel watched the boys shrink back as he shouted the last part.

Each boy began to draw circles in the dirt with his boots. Finally, the one at the farthest end spoke up. “Mrs. Summer is always getting called ugly, but when we found that picture on the internet we wanted to show everyone how pretty she looked. We wanted to see what the pic looked like against the nice mural in the cafeteria.”

“But the wall was too small so we tried shrinking it, but…” the second trailed off.

“Then we couldn’t see our favorite part,” said the third, tears budding in his eyes.

The fourth puffed up his chest. “Eventually, we concluded that for the school to realize how pretty Mrs. Summer is, we had to post a supersize on the front of the academy. It was Kip’s idea.”

Mr. Gabriel pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on. No amount of college could prepare any teacher for students like this. Was it any wonder his boss called in sick first thing that morning? “Do you have anything to say for yourselves before I call your parents?”

Each boy looked at the other before glancing up at their handiwork and then back at Mr. Gabriel. “The principal looks pretty in a bikini.”


Thanks for reading!

-SakuraTail

Kissing Dogs


I’m currently working on a four part short story.
I’d love to hear thoughts on how it’s going.
::Please do not steal or rip off my idea or
characters. They are mine. Hear me
ROAR!::


Part I


The morning sand felt bitter against Valerie’s bare toes as she did her best to match her friend, Briar’s, stride.

“He let me go, Bri,” Valerie said sullenly, stopping to kick a conch back into the waves. “Sliced my heart into microscopic, bite-sized pieces and fed them to those hyenas he calls dogs.”

Valerie’s friend sighed and spun around so that she was walking backwards while facing her. “Listen, babe, your standards are waaay too high.” Briar hauled an arm up until her hand was a half a foot taller than Valerie. “You’ve gotta come down a step or two to mingle with the living.”

Valerie frowned. It wasn’t like she asked for the snobbish set of rules that she followed. Her grandmother, peace be wherever the woman roamed, insisted her baby girl only go for the best: a curse that followed Valerie into her adult days. Sure, she’d dated here and there during her grandmother’s life, but none were ever good enough for the granny Ruse stamp of approval. After her passing, Valerie had kept the idea that a Ruse girl only deserved the best man. “I’m not asking for perfection,” she said with a huff, “Just that he’s smart, kind, nice to look at, great in bed, and able to juggle.”

Briar covered her mouth, but not before a snicker escaped. “So not perfection, but pretty damn close?”

Valerie glanced at Briar out of the corner of her eye. She was like a china doll on stilts. With her porcelain skin, waist length ebony locks, and coke bottle frame she was a dead ringer for some tall, dark perfection. But Valerie and her love of donuts and ice cream? Compared to her Miss USA best friend, Valerie was a stuffed Miss Turkey Lurkey.

Valerie felt her eye twitch in irritation. “Shut it,” she said, turning her gaze out to the ocean. “I just want him back, Bri. He was the only one I really connected with. Is that too much to…What is that?”

In the distance, a speck of orange and pink shifted against the dark azure of the Aine Ocean before vanishing beneath the waves. The speck resurfaced for one moment in a spot further out before vanishing once more. Suddenly, it hit Valerie like an elephant seal stampede: “They’re drowning!” she said, pulling the shirt over her head. For the first time, Valerie was glad she had donned her bathing suit underneath.

Briar squinted at where Valerie pointed. “What are you talking about?” Briar asked. “Nobody’s out there.”

Valerie pushed her friend in the opposite direction. “Just go get help,” she shouted before diving into the waves. Kicking and stroking her arms through the water, Valerie managed to propel herself through the water without much trouble. She knew not what had possessed her to plunge into deeper waters when she still refused to take a dip in the deep end of Briar’s pool, but Valerie had little time to ponder the reason as the orange and pink speck popped up, gasping for air, beside her.

Taking hold of the small hand, Valerie grasped the body close to her own while smoothing away dark brown tendrils of hair. “It’s alright sweetie,” Valerie cooed. “I’ve got you.”

A coarse cough spat water into Valerie’s face as a pair of charming blue eyes peered from beneath the damp curtain, with prospective tears. “No!” squeaked the child in her arms. “I w-want daddy to save me!”

Valerie wanted asked the kid if she (at least Valerie was ninety percent sure the child was a she) had been dropped one too many times. But a sharp tug on her leg drew her beneath the waves before Valerie could ask. Valerie bit the inside of her cheek as the little girl disappeared from her sight and the ocean became a prevalent taste in her nose and blood, a smell in her mouth. Sunlight filtered into the haze around her even as a shadow colored her vision.


Thanks for reading the first installment. I’ll try to have Part II ready by next week.

-SakuraTail